In all ways that matter, we are alone.
We may walk with others
We may laugh with others
We may talk with others
We may cry with others
These externalities do not define us
They reflect us.
Who cares to know another soul
To express earnest interest in the inner workings of an( )other?
For some this is not reality
But it is mine
And for that it is all of yours.
I am miserable. Here’s why:
- This Sunday I got sick. Not cold sick but fever, chills, mucus, coughing, bedridden sick. I took Monday off. I took Tuesday off. I took Wednesday off. I went back to work yesterday. I’m still coughing. It won’t go away. I have no energy. I can’t even get a hug without coughing.
- My mom is out of town so she left her dogs with me. Maya is level 10 A++ neurotic and Dulci has agression problems and EPI that has not yet stabilized.
- Surprise! $300 for cTLI/cobalamin/folate blood test and enzymes for Dulci that I wasn’t expecting.
- I have to figure out how much of what food to give Dulci and with how many enzymes of what type to mix in and how long to incubate them so she gets better.
- Did I mention that Dulci doesn’t get along with other dogs? That leads me to:
- I can’t see my girlfriend because she has a dog and Dulci does not get along with her dog. I have spent exactly 1.5 hours with my girlfriend since Monday morning. She graciously agreed to come over for a few minutes a couple nights this week.
- We have a rehearsal for Camelot on Sunday night (7-10pm nonetheless!!) and I have barely even looked at my music.
Had I not taken Dulci she would have been put down because of her health and behavioral issues. I had no choice but to take her, but in doing so I isolated myself from the woman I love.
So to sum up, I’m sick and still coughing and don’t have the energy to take care of a neurotic whiny dog and a sick angry dog that keeps my girlfriend away from me, and I have no support because my mom is out of town.
Plus my house lacks things like a TV and a bed.
I’m thankful, too.
Some things I was thankful for 365 days ago I no longer have. Some things I wanted 365 days ago I now have.
Traditionally we go around and list those items for which we’re thankful, but skipping one that is not on the list this time around only draws attention to it, at least in my mind. It’ll be that way this whole season, unfortunately.
So thanks for those things I still have. And thanks for those things that I once had that are now elsewhere. At least I got to experience them for a brief time.
I emerge from my shelter to a more illuminated environment. The skies are dark and gray but there must be sunlight illuminating the thick layer of clouds from the other side because my eyes can now see a great distance. The wind has mostly abated and although the cold remains, the temperature is less inhospitable. Continue reading “Day 23”
Someone I once knew openly pondered about folks who eat alone in restaurants.
Today I was the guy eating alone. Like most days. Only today it was in public.
The short answer is: they eat because they’re hungry. They eat alone because they want to. Or they don’t have anyone to eat lunch with. There were other people at tables for one. They didn’t look particularly lonely or sad.
Truth be told, they forgot to ask me if I wanted my order to go and I figured eh, what the heck, I’d get out of the office for 15 minutes longer anyway.
I’ve been working on a math problem lately. I’ve been trying to figure out how to turn 1/2 into 1 while avoiding any multiplication or addition.
Then this morning it hit me. I need to divide 1/2 by 1/2. It’s not intuitive but it should work… given enough time.